No, this is not an adventure where you see a bunch of 17 (oops, I mean 18!)year old chicks from various HR departments lift their shirts and show you how they got hired. This is a super fun continuation of my misadventures in unemployment.
So, to collect the unemployment benefit, you must solemnly swear on your honor and your mother's grave, to be diligently looking for work. Therefore, along with being a part of Michigan Works!, I have subscribed to career builder like a good little unemployed worker bee.
As a card-carrying member of the displaced workforce, I have dutifully signed up with Career Builder to use it at its full capacity. I gave them my resume, I told them what kind of work I was looking for, I created searches, and signed up for an automated search, which they will send me the results on a weekly basis.
To my starry-eyed surprise, I discovered an extra benefit to this whole process: Employers will actually seek YOU out on career builder, too! How awesome is that--you don't have to search around for hours, you can just let the employers find you in their pool of ideal candidates.
And so yesterday, I got yet another email of the several I get daily from employers pining at me for my incredible experience. This one is from American Income Life Insurance. The email is titled "Please call me to schedule an interview." I thought nothing of this, as it looks similar to the ones I have gotten in the past. However, after opening it, I discovered that the genius who wrote the email addressed it to "Dear Job Seeker." Really?! 'Dear job seeker?!'
Ok, I have several problems with this. First of all, you really can't take the time to put my name in a mass general email, or at least something that masks the fact that you have no idea who I am, and just bought my email address from Career Builder? How about "Good afternoon" or "Hello", or something more generic than "Dear job seeker?!"
Second, shame on you to career builder for praising yourself for your thoroughness in screening employers, and scams. I literally get about 4 or 5 of these a day, all from Career Builder. My resume will be coming down from there, and they will be receiving a copy of my blog. The irony in this, of course, is that if they read it, I get paid because again, the more people who read my devilish words, the more money I get *mmmmmwuahahahahhh*
Third, who falls for these kind of pyramid schemes anymore? And further, I don't know if I want to punch companies such as American Life (not American Mutual Funds), Liberty National (not liberty Mutual), United Health Insurance (not United Health Care--you see a pattern?) for being so shady, or commend them on a job well done, because I bet there are loads of people who fall for that.
Shame on them however, for preying on a weakened and down-trodden work force. And shame on Career Builder for not living up to their own self-imposed standards. If you are gong to try to help people and provide s service, then ante up, bitches!
I'm juuuust sayin'
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
"Evil wishes, like chickens, come home to roost"
My family will dig the chicken reference, but I assure you that today's rant has nothing to do with chickens. Well, maybe it does, but as a character trait, not the delicious snack. Another way of saying this moral to Aesop's fable of the bee and Jupiter is "Be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it."
Yes, I am talking about situations where people long for something to happen and once it finally does, they complain about how hard their life is. Generally, bitching about how awful things are after a person gets their way annoys me because I mean hello, you asked for it, so eat it with your big girl pants on, pumpkin.
But what realllly pisses me off is when people get what they ask for, but at the expense of others. Whether it be they want something so badly, they do things at the expense of others to get it, and THEN bitch about the outcome, after having taken people down in the process.
I mean I am all for playing dirty and being manipulative and cunning--it's an artform. Truly. And sometimes, it's all about survival of the fittest, and you gotta do what you gotta do. But at least do it with some style. Oh, and own it, too. Playing the victim role really pisses me off too, but that's a whole other blog subjectmatter. And when you do get what you ask for, and it becomes overwhelming because you didn't have the foresight to examine the big picture, don't bitch about it. Bend over and take it like a man, man.
To borrow an analogy from good ole Hank Rollins, it's like building your house on the edge of the ocean and crying about it when it gets destroyed by a hurricane...twice. Really, you dumb bastards? You are going to build your dream house on a beach and then freak out and act surprised when it gets obliterated by the largest body of water in the world? Jesus.
Look, all I'm saying is, if you are going to be a dick about something to get your way, don't complain about the outcome. In fact, how about just don't be a dick at all. How about, be a decent human being, and treat others the way you would want to be treated? Not hard concepts and by no means new.
I'm juuuust sayin'
Yes, I am talking about situations where people long for something to happen and once it finally does, they complain about how hard their life is. Generally, bitching about how awful things are after a person gets their way annoys me because I mean hello, you asked for it, so eat it with your big girl pants on, pumpkin.
But what realllly pisses me off is when people get what they ask for, but at the expense of others. Whether it be they want something so badly, they do things at the expense of others to get it, and THEN bitch about the outcome, after having taken people down in the process.
I mean I am all for playing dirty and being manipulative and cunning--it's an artform. Truly. And sometimes, it's all about survival of the fittest, and you gotta do what you gotta do. But at least do it with some style. Oh, and own it, too. Playing the victim role really pisses me off too, but that's a whole other blog subjectmatter. And when you do get what you ask for, and it becomes overwhelming because you didn't have the foresight to examine the big picture, don't bitch about it. Bend over and take it like a man, man.
To borrow an analogy from good ole Hank Rollins, it's like building your house on the edge of the ocean and crying about it when it gets destroyed by a hurricane...twice. Really, you dumb bastards? You are going to build your dream house on a beach and then freak out and act surprised when it gets obliterated by the largest body of water in the world? Jesus.
Look, all I'm saying is, if you are going to be a dick about something to get your way, don't complain about the outcome. In fact, how about just don't be a dick at all. How about, be a decent human being, and treat others the way you would want to be treated? Not hard concepts and by no means new.
I'm juuuust sayin'
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I may be a whore but at least I get paid
That's right bitches, people are paying me to advertise on my blog. I have officially whored out so I guess I had better start saying some inflammatory, yet funny things, eh?
Today's topic was supposed to be about fate vs. control, but that's far too deep for the ole grey matter today. Instead, I will tackle a far more simple topic: Employment.
As you may (or may not) know (or care) I have officially joined the ranks of the unemployed. My story is the typical one--It was a difficult decision the company had to make, but I was restructured out of my job to make room for like, growth or whatever.
This is actually not a big deal to me--truly. Business is business, and they had to make some tough choices, which I get. I have been able to spend some priceless time with my son, and completely annhilate any semblance of dust that may or may not have existed in our home. It's been cathardic and a learning experience, to say the least. But I digress.
As an official member of the unemployed in Michigan, and a collector of the unemployment benefit, I had to register with Michigan Works and promise to be actively looking for work. I have some pretty fierce numbers working against me in this system. The current unemployment rate in Michigan, according to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics is 13.6%. Michigan Works has 24,813 jobs available in their talent bank--something that every person receiving unemployment benefits is required to "participate" in. I suck at math, and have the 4 College Algebra classes under my belt to prove it, but I realize that with a population just shy of 10 million, 24,813 jobs will not cover the 130,000+ unemployed people in the State.
However, the first thing these numbers lead me to ask is, 'with that many unemployed people in the State, how are there that many job openings? Surely, there must be some qualified workers to fill the 24,000+ jobs open in the State, right?'
Apparently not.
I got a guy on the inside of Michigan works who said the chief complaint on the inside is that the employers are being extremely picky and difficult to work with in terms of placing people. I mean they can afford to be, right? With that kind of applicant pool, why should they have to settle, or I don't know, use common curtesies such as returning phone calls, sending rejection letters, etc.
What's more, a friend brought to my attention that some employers actually even state in their job postings that 'your application will not be considered if you are not currently employed.' I thought that is far too outlandish for the upstanding businesses that have graced our State, but alas, how wrong I was. Yes, I too, have seen these postings with my own eyes.
All I can say is: really, employers? Really??? Is your faith and perception in the quality of the Michigan workforce so jaded that you can't even consider people like myself, or thousands of others who have fallen prey to restructuring? Really? Hiring people, were you band geeks in high school that were the butt of most poplular kids jokes, and now you want to take it out on someone else? Yeah, I get it 'ha-ha you don't have a job, you suck!' That's great. Why don't you pick on people for having dead parents, or cancer, or a disability while you're at it, too.
Yeah yeah, it's a primarily untrained workforce that used to make $30/ hour to inspect bumpers for dings in them, but has no qualifications to do what it is that you do. But you can't tell me that out of the hundreds of thousands of chaps out there sans paycheck, that you can't find someone you can at least work with. I mean, we aren't poo-flinging monkeys for the love of Pete.
What a bunch of douche bags. No wonder i have whore myself out in blogs for pennies.
I'm juuuust sayin'
Today's topic was supposed to be about fate vs. control, but that's far too deep for the ole grey matter today. Instead, I will tackle a far more simple topic: Employment.
As you may (or may not) know (or care) I have officially joined the ranks of the unemployed. My story is the typical one--It was a difficult decision the company had to make, but I was restructured out of my job to make room for like, growth or whatever.
This is actually not a big deal to me--truly. Business is business, and they had to make some tough choices, which I get. I have been able to spend some priceless time with my son, and completely annhilate any semblance of dust that may or may not have existed in our home. It's been cathardic and a learning experience, to say the least. But I digress.
As an official member of the unemployed in Michigan, and a collector of the unemployment benefit, I had to register with Michigan Works and promise to be actively looking for work. I have some pretty fierce numbers working against me in this system. The current unemployment rate in Michigan, according to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics is 13.6%. Michigan Works has 24,813 jobs available in their talent bank--something that every person receiving unemployment benefits is required to "participate" in. I suck at math, and have the 4 College Algebra classes under my belt to prove it, but I realize that with a population just shy of 10 million, 24,813 jobs will not cover the 130,000+ unemployed people in the State.
However, the first thing these numbers lead me to ask is, 'with that many unemployed people in the State, how are there that many job openings? Surely, there must be some qualified workers to fill the 24,000+ jobs open in the State, right?'
Apparently not.
I got a guy on the inside of Michigan works who said the chief complaint on the inside is that the employers are being extremely picky and difficult to work with in terms of placing people. I mean they can afford to be, right? With that kind of applicant pool, why should they have to settle, or I don't know, use common curtesies such as returning phone calls, sending rejection letters, etc.
What's more, a friend brought to my attention that some employers actually even state in their job postings that 'your application will not be considered if you are not currently employed.' I thought that is far too outlandish for the upstanding businesses that have graced our State, but alas, how wrong I was. Yes, I too, have seen these postings with my own eyes.
All I can say is: really, employers? Really??? Is your faith and perception in the quality of the Michigan workforce so jaded that you can't even consider people like myself, or thousands of others who have fallen prey to restructuring? Really? Hiring people, were you band geeks in high school that were the butt of most poplular kids jokes, and now you want to take it out on someone else? Yeah, I get it 'ha-ha you don't have a job, you suck!' That's great. Why don't you pick on people for having dead parents, or cancer, or a disability while you're at it, too.
Yeah yeah, it's a primarily untrained workforce that used to make $30/ hour to inspect bumpers for dings in them, but has no qualifications to do what it is that you do. But you can't tell me that out of the hundreds of thousands of chaps out there sans paycheck, that you can't find someone you can at least work with. I mean, we aren't poo-flinging monkeys for the love of Pete.
What a bunch of douche bags. No wonder i have whore myself out in blogs for pennies.
I'm juuuust sayin'
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
forging ahead with a forked tongue and razor sharp wit
Finally, I decided to join the crowd and start a blog. I figure since I have a penchant for going on henry rollins-esque rants, it would be appropriate to center my blogs around things I rant about. Many of my friends think I'm funny, so I guess I'll try this out and see if I can shake a few things up :)
Let me premise this, however, on a few things:
1) To many a surprise, I am a pretty laid back person, and easy going, and probably one of the nicest people you will meet. I just like to call bullshit what it is--bullshit.
2)I am pretty diverse in my rants. I can cover anything from cell phone etiquette to politics to nature. I am an equal opportunity caller-outer.
3) I learned at an early age never to say anything about someone that you can't say to their face. So you will never see me sling mud....unless I feel particularly strongly about a person, and then I will not only sling it, I will sling it with style.
So...now you know.
I'm juuuust sayin'
Let me premise this, however, on a few things:
1) To many a surprise, I am a pretty laid back person, and easy going, and probably one of the nicest people you will meet. I just like to call bullshit what it is--bullshit.
2)I am pretty diverse in my rants. I can cover anything from cell phone etiquette to politics to nature. I am an equal opportunity caller-outer.
3) I learned at an early age never to say anything about someone that you can't say to their face. So you will never see me sling mud....unless I feel particularly strongly about a person, and then I will not only sling it, I will sling it with style.
So...now you know.
I'm juuuust sayin'
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