I am quickly approaching the one-year anniversary of my end date with the zombie factory. I was going to write an analogous story about how I was given the zombie antivirus and recount my experiences in the awakening, so to speak but I don't have the desire to write a tongue in cheek story at this time--maybe reading so much of david sedaris's work has burned me out with satire.
Instead, I will ramble on as though I am holding Yorick's skull and contemplating my mortality :D. It seems odd to me that being fired from a job can have such an impact on me that it has prompted me to write anything about it one year later. It's cathardic to pull your head up and look around and reevaluate once in a while. So here's what I have come up with:
It's fairly obvious that I am passionate about the causes in which I particpate, but I guess the first thing I realized in my year is that while a career path will in part define who I am, a job and the corporate culture with which it is associated, should not.
I was in a place where having autonomy is synonomous to not being a team player, and to being a naysayer. When autonomy is per se viewed as negative and you have to constantly fight to maintain some semblance of it, it's not a good thing. I guess that also means I have learned that when you lose yourself or are absorbed in the deifinition of something else, then the thing you are involved in is probably not good for you, regardless of how good the intentions are of the larger organization.
Which leads me to my gut and the countless face-palms I have done over the past year. I know to trust my gut. When my gut tells me it's not a good situation, and when people around me are screaming 'what are you doing?!' I need to listen. Conversely, I have to admit that by sticking around, I learned so much about myself and other people, that I consider my experience absolutely invaluable.
For example, I learned that I can not let other people who project their insecurity and ignorance onto others affect how I feel about myself. I learned that the degree that someone talks themselves or their good deeds up is directly proportionate to how much of a d.bag they really are. I learned that a zombie's desire to maintain a friendship after you get the boot is directly proportionate to their degree of separation from the 'hive mind' and the inner circle. What sucks about this, is that I lost some (what I thought were) close friends.
And in all fairness, I learned great tools like how to dress better, do my make up better, and how to address people in a less harsh tone, or what I like to refer to as my "(Insert intentionally omitted corporate name here) voice." That voice has grown quite useful over the past year in dealing with my clients with kid gloves.
Ahhh, the clients....The stars and planets aligned, and I embarked on an adventure I never thought I would repeat. I opened a law practice with my friend's dad. I am eternally grateful for the experience I have gained by working with him. (If only I were paying myself yet... :/) I started out a year ago broken, dejected, rejected, and forced to start over in a career that I wasn't sure I wanted to be in. The truth is, I started awakening from the zombie trance months before we parted ways that fateful Tuesday before memorial day weekend last year. I knew that I was smarter than what I was doing and capable of challenging myself with something more. I guess I would prefer taking that leap off the cliff myself, rather than being pushed off, but hey, what can you do?
The last year, quite frankly, has been terrifying. Not only had I been rejected and told that I wasn't good enough to be at the top anymore, I had to start back at the bottom and build on something I didn't know how to build anymore. I struggle with a love-hate relationship with the zombie factory because while I hate what they did to me, how I was treated, and how they have treated others, I can't help but thank them for helping me develop some of the tools that helped me contribute to our practice and the well-being of my clients.
I am also thankful for not only the healing, but the growth that has occurred in the past year. I must give credit to other factors in my life that have nothing to do with zombies, like strengthening bonds with old friends, meeting new friends, and discovering new things about myself. And of course, my amazing, supportive family. Truth be told, getting das boot from the zombie factory was one of the hardest and one of the best things that ever could have happened to me.
Look, I'm just saying that it all could have happened better. I think that if anyone from there read this, they would probably be pissed, but I'm not saying anything in here that I wouldn't say to their faces, if they had the courage and respect to talk to me face en face.
To sum up Voltaire, you can't control the cards you are dealt, but you can control how you play your hand. Time to ante up, because I'm in this, bitches! I'm juuuust sayin'.....
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