Giving up the gun

In my attempts to improve my articulation and story-telling skills, I stated previously that I would blog more. So, here you go!

I have been thinking about the song 'giving up the gun' by Vampire Weekend a lot lately.  I think the song greatly parallels how my January went down.  The chorus goes something like:

Your sword’s grown old and rusty
Burnt beneath the rising sun
It’s locked up like a trophy
Forgetting all the things it’s done

And though it’s been a long time
You’re right back where you started from
I see it in your eyes
That now you’re giving up the gun

The song is inspired by a book called Giving up the Gun, which is about a movement in Japanese military to revert back from gun usage to sword usage (think the last Samurai).  The point of the song, according to Koenig, explores whether it is feasible or imaginable that people could give up the things they have and go back to a simpler way of life.

While I think that is a great question, it lead me to think about not just whether I could go back to a simpler m.o,, but whether, when coming back full circle, I could recognize and appreciate from an alternative standpoint, where I am. 

The people I encountered in the contract position were so broken down and dejected, and trying so hard to be something that they probably are not meant to be, but told what they should probably aspire to be, that they were just messes.  It's like they were a bunch of square pegs trying to fit in round holes.  It was sad.  It made me not want to chisel the pegs, but break down the round holes and make them more square-like.

I then remembered that my path is okay for ME, and I am where I am supposed to be right now. It's funny how sometimes it takes intentionally and clearly stepping off of your path to remember that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

The contract did not last long.  My availability waned quickly during my time there because my business in Lansing picked up, and I could not pass on these opportunities. This month has been absolutely explosive since.   I abhorred the work I did in Kzoo but I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to see that sometimes the thing you think is the great new big thing you are supposed to do, is not necessarily the right answer, and if you bring it back around to center and accept your path, you will grow exponentially.

It's amazing how productive you can be when you are candid with yourself and accept the way you feel about things.

Breathe on, little sister.

January has been an absolutely wicked month for me.  I have felt like I am completely under the gun, but I think the insanity is finally waning, which gives me an opportunity to reflect on all that has happened this month. 

I have had SO much personal and professional growth and I am still processing it all. I have learned two main lessons, I think, this month.  First, I learned (or reaffirmed, rather?) that I have to take risks to grow, and trust that people will walk with me and grow with me. It doesn't matter if it's personal or professional.  I have countless examples.  Professional connections, trying skiing for the first time, developing personal relationships--all instances are great examples that remind me that if I put myself out there, I can do it.  It may not be easy. It may not be fun.  But I will improve, I will learn, and I will grow. 

Second, I was given great perspective on my own life and reminded that I am actually doing pretty well.  I had some time where I was feeling dejected and frustrated about everything.  But this month has been one lesson after another that has reminded me that no, I actually have it pretty good.  I have amazing people in my life that I love and who love me back, a career that is exploding, and so long as I keep putting myself out there, and taking risks, things will continue to happen. 

So while it is has been an exhilarating month, it has been an exhausting month. At this point, I am just sitting at home, trying to process everything I have taken in. The Chinese New Year is tomorrow, and it is the year of the dragon.  I am a dragon in Chinese astrology.  I feel like there is an awesome shift coming, and this is my time.  So I am going to take it and run with it.

On a somewhat related note, one of the major life altering events this month was that I participated in the Hillman Trial Advocacy Program, which was AWESOME.  It made me understand that very few lawyers are born, rather, they are made.  With that being said, I want to improve my story telling skills.  So you will be seeing a lot more blogging from me!  <3