"You wept but your soul was willing."

Normally I have so many things to say.  I have so many subjects on which I can pontificate. but not today.  Not lately.  Now, I am frozen.  I can't think anymore. I am overwhelmed.   It's like i have shut down.  I have started seeing a therapist.  She tells me that it's no wonder that I feel this way, with all that I have taken on. To sum up, I have chosen certain paths to take in my life, like anyone does, because I saw the benefit and reward of those paths to me.  However, with reward there also comes risk.  There are challenges to every path. It just so happens that I have taken some particularly difficult paths.  I have done so willingly; I have done so because while my life is busy and complicated, I generally find it rewarding. 

But right now, I am struggling.  I am struggling because I have taken on too much.  I am struggling to find my identity within each role I play every day.  I am struggling to keep faith, and to know and appreciate that providence still smiles upon me though I don't quite see it right now.  I am struggling to see the good in things these days.  I have become a cynical version of myself that beats up on my normal self, and I don't really like it. 

So the question becomes how do I simplify my life?  How do I try to take my life less seriously?  (It's only life, after all).  I can't and won't go backwards. I need to figure out how to move forward while at the same time creating space for forgiveness--of myself.  I am without a doubt my own worst enemy.

I am committing to writing a new blog each week henceforth, in order to get things off my chest, and to unload, and give myself some more room.  More room to breathe. More room to allow myself to feel. More room to try to be human again and feel normal. 

This is the worst blog ever, but I just have nothing left to say beyond this.